April 28th, 2011

Today we talked alot about what causes disease. Sure, there are the normal things you would expect – bad food, toxic chemicals you use in cleaning products or makeup/shampoo/sunscreen etc, and past history of birth control use or other medicines. One that isn’t brought up a lot is how you deal with stress. How you can forgive, and how you can truly be at ease, and be truly ok with past events in your life. Things have gone on in the past that for a long time, I didn’t forgive. I’m not friends with some people I thought I would be friends with all my life. I’m not friends with them because of miscommunication. That miscommunciation led to assumptions (which we all know makes as ASS of U and ME) and harsh feelings. Today, I have not spoken to these “friends” since August of 2008. This whole situation started because of a boy.

We were having a blast at the 4th of July celebration. It was an awesome summer day, super warm, great summer in general.  “friend B” was shy and didn’t want to talk to a boy, so I did. Well, turns out in the long run, that boy wanted to take me on a date. When I told him my friend had thought he was cute, he said he thought I was cute – not my friend. When asking friend A how to talk to friend B about the whole situation, friend A took offense, becase for the past year, she had been dating a boy that I said I thought was cute. i was too shy to talk to that boy, so she did.This is my assumption – only because friend A will not verify it –  Now she saw how mad friend B was that I went on a date with said boy, and jumped on the bandwagon and got mad at me too. Because I lived in Iowa still, it was easy to get mad at me and stay mad at me, since I didn’t get to be around home a lot. I didn’t quite get the point of why friend A was SO mad, I mean, if a guy likes someone, he likes someone. If he doesn’t, well, he doesn’t. You can’t force someone to like you. I decided at that point it would be some short lived thing and would be over before we knew it.

Well, it’s now 2011 and I am married and have a child with said boy, and couldn’t be happier. I haven’t had communication with either of the “friends”. It used to be SO hard to understand why these people are acting the way they were toward me. I mean, we had been best friends since elementary school!! I went through and erased lots of people from facebook and my phonebook that I felt would judge me because of this situation. Dumb idea on my part. Not everyone did, but, I needed to learn a lesson. We all mature differently, and we all grow through our experiences, so I figure if it’s meant to be, someday I may become acquaintances with them again. I have reconnected with some people, and it was a growing point and humbling point for me to realize that not ALL of my friends that I thought were involved actually were. I erased some people I  never should have, but the fact they have or haven’t contacted me says they do understand. I made too many assumptions, and never should have. I still need to apologize to some people! 🙂

I understand why friend B is mad. I do. I should have gone to her right away, before even agreeing to go on a date with him.  She sees me as a “backstabber” who went behind her back in some evil scheme to steal this guy away from her.  In all reality, that had nothing to do with anything, but she didn’t care. This situation just shows exactly how much these people have NO idea of who I am as a person. I changed a LOT during college – both colleges 🙂 My friends mean the world to me, and I would do anything for them. I feel pride has stopped any further communication, and now she is pregnant with her boyfriend’s child. I couldn’t be happier for her – she is going to go through the most incredible journey of her entire life, which will change her in more ways than she could ever imagine – and im assuming she is deeply in love with her boyfriend – im postive that is the only way a child comes about 🙂 I wish I could tell her I truly, truly wish the best for her – but I guess it’s out there, it’s in my mind so hopefully she knows that, as much as she may or may not care 🙂  I hope she feels it. I pray that both friends know peace and some day, will come to the realization of that, and be able to laugh at this whole situation.

I feel it is a blessing this entire thing has occured. SUCH a blessing. I learned about myself, I looked at the situation and what I could do differently. What could I do to remedy this? How could I make it better? Is there something I can prove to my friends that Im not this horrible person they think I am?  Why I was wrong, what I had done to ruin this friendship, then I realized, are these really friends if they can treat someone this way? If they don’t care to understand, talk, and forgive? they judge me from assumption, and not fact? Maybe it isn’t such a great idea to be around people that will do that so easily to others – but what if it happened for a reason? Had it not all happened, and things stayed the way they were, I wouldn’t have reached out and met new people, and joined new groups to network – met the most AMAZING women I could ever imagine! My birth group of ladies, different DeForest men and women, and everyone that has come into my life since Shawn and I got together – wow. Even some of his family that I have had differences with – I value them SO much, I want to get to know them better, and hopefully maybe they will understand and know me better. Know I mean well, and know I have my “crazy” views, but I mean well 🙂 and maybe – just maybe – there might be some validity to what I do!

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ANYWAY, so away from the whole depressing, deep thoughts – Today Charlotte and her son, Howard Straus came to the clinic. She comes each Wednesday and stays through lunch going to talk with each patient and answer whatever questions they may have. We have lecture after lunch where she answers even MORE questions and just in general talks about different aspects of the therapy. Tonight she stayed well past dinner talking with us!! Today I found some comments interesting she made. We were discussing how if a new supplement is added to protocol – it is tested on Charlotte first, then patients. She joked that if the medical doctors who so quickly ask patients to do chemo and radiation were to do it to themselves first, either they wouldn’t be alive to tell others to do it, or they wouldn’t suggest others do it!  Funny, but sad and true at the same time.

Also, I can’t wait to try this experiment when I get home. I have heard how horrible microwaves are for some time now. I don’t use one personally, I always use the stove to heat things up. Here is the experiment – on the stove, take a pot of water to a boil. Let it cool, put it in a glass jar. Do the same, heat water to boiling in the microwave. Let it cool, and put it in a glass jar. Get two of the same potted plant. A flower would probably work best. Water each one for two weeks, with only the water you do in the microwave or stove. You must boil it first. In two weeks, the flower with the microwave water will be dead. Interesting!

I brought up the question to Charlotte how I am going to watch my cancer. I have protocols in place, but really don’t want to do any CT’s. the melanoma is a worry, as I have lots of freckles and will be on strict watch for 2 years, then back off a little more and  a little more until Im at 1 year checks. Well, since melanoma is a cancer the Gerson clinic LOVES, mainly because it heals SO quickly and the patients have awesome results with it, I am sure I will let them do biopsies, and just smile when they come back negative. Most likely they will stop biopsing but I will probably just have them take a photo and move on from there just to watch some. I know melanoma isn’t a “wait and watch” cancer, but this therapy just makes too much sense- heal from the inside, don’t worry about the outside! If a stage IV pancreatic cancer patient can survive, I can too!

Sorry about the two posts yesterday, that shouldn’t happen again 🙂 can’t believe I am up to 20 posts already! what a journey!!

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