March 15th, 2011

Well – I think I have to come to “that point” im SO sick of this cancer, so SICK of never getting good news, I have tried to remain positive, and see the positive side of my situation, and now of course, everything comes down to one thing – money.

Today we had our follow up at UW Hospital, and found out there is yet more in the lymph system – now moved on to the right side of my neck. There is also a nodule in my lung that they can’t confirm or deny is metastases. Normally I would say ok now what is next – and that’s exactly what I did at the hospital. They said surgery. again. cutting open my original scar but now further on the right side so they could clear out all of the right lateral lymph nodes. As for my lung – nothing, just watch it closely.

I am 100% agains this surgery. I’m sick of being cut into. Im sick of being told my body isn’t smart enough to fight this. They keep wanting to cut out a large part of my immune system, then tell me im not strong enough to fight things. I’m INCREDIBLY sick of all these posts on facebook of people with cancer and how horrible their life decisions must have been to get it. What the HELL did I do that is so bad to the point I got cancer?!  I definitly used to be optomistic about this, saw it as a learning experience – but wow how many times can you get cut down before you just give up?

Before I went in today, I had already decided, i didn’t care if the cancer was completely systemic, because I am confident in the therapy I have chosen to make myself better. I have chosen the Gerson Therapy (www.gerson.org)  I have spoken to a survivor, and have two more to talk to. These pepole were literally at the brink of death and have been living completely healthy, happy lives for YEARS now. Today the doctors told me I had to do radiation therapy, then in a year, get more radiation to make sure they got everything. That is going to be a total of 3 years before I can continue on with my life, and my family. It is unaceptable. With Gerson, none of that is the case. It treats the body with nourishment and health instead of cutting and posion.

Now our big fight is how we would pay for it. We can’t even start to afford to go to Mexico for this therapy, and it doesn’t help that I seem to be the only one who truly believes this will work and this is what is best for me. With no backing, I feel helpless and hopeless. I have no idea where to go. I just want to give up.

tomorrow has to be a better day, right?

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